


The Letters He Wrote

by tessathetesla



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Love Letters, Memories, One Shot, Post Season 7, Post-Canon, Robot/Human Relationships, Short One Shot, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 00:14:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29251278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tessathetesla/pseuds/tessathetesla
Summary: It's Valentine's Day weekend, and Professor Melinda May is at home grading papers. Or that's what she told her friend, Phil Coulson. Instead of grading papers, she pulls out all the Valentine's Day letters that Phil wrote her every year that they knew each other.The memories, while painful, also remind her that she does in fact have another chance to be with the man she loves.[Set post season 7, after the reunion]
Relationships: Phil Coulson/Melinda May
Comments: 2
Kudos: 32





	The Letters He Wrote

It was another Valentine’s Day weekend, and Melinda was once again, spending it alone. After all these years, even after Andrew, you’d think she’d get used to it. She’d had her Valentine’s Day celebrations with Andrew, and he always did a few special things. But she put Andrew out of her mind, thinking of his death was too painful. Speaking of deaths, there was another death that filled her mind every single day. The death of her true lover, best friend, companion, partner, Phillip J. Coulson. They never even got to celebrate any Valentine’s Day, not in any official capacity.

Of course, she could have called up Coulson and asked him what his plans were for this weekend. She was still getting used to him. LMD ChroniCoulson, as Fitz had called him jokingly in an email. Coulson had moved near the Academy, in an effort to be close to Melinda. She had to admit, that she was happy to see him again on the regular. They’d been on a few dates, and every time, she was amazed that he remembered just about everything. Even his soft expressions as he stared as her were the same as the real Coulson’s.

So, when Valentine’s Day weekend had come up, Melinda had avoided any dates by saying she was busy grading exams. For some reason, she was being skittish. Afraid of getting hurt again. Of course, Valentine’s Day hadn’t exactly been her thing anyways. It was just an excuse to buy more things, right?

Of course, this didn’t stop Melinda from pulling out a storage box she’d kept in her closet. It was filled to the brim. Full of Valentine’s cards. From Phillip J. Coulson. She never told Phil, even in Tahiti, that she kept every single card he wrote for her, even back in their early Academy days. While Phil went to comms and Melinda went to operations, the two often were paired together whenever Comms and Ops did mock missions together. It was then that Phil wrote his first Valentine Card to Melinda and gave it to her with a piece of chocolate.

“Good shooting Mel! You saved my ass once again. Thanks. Happy V-Day! -Phil

Melinda laughed as she read that one. She Remembered a mission where Phil was about to get thrashed by another team, and she came out of nowhere and shot them all up, giving their team the winning edge.

She pulled out another one, this time right after their Russia mission. She hadn’t told Phil about her dating Andrew yet and kept avoiding his requests for a drink. They’d become partners and kept flirting with each other between missions. She really liked Phil, but Andrew was dark, tall, handsome, and very in love with her. Melinda still wondered what would have happened if she’d cancelled her date with Andrew and instead, had that drink with Phil.

“Still waiting on that drink! I think you are the best partner! I miss seeing you on base on the weekends. Let’s hang soon! Happy V-day!”-Phil

Later still, she found one dated after her and Andrew got married. Phil kept sending Valentine’s cards to her. When Andrew asked her about it, she just said it was base tradition to send chocolates to your partner. It wasn’t the first time she lied about things with Phil. While she was always loyal to Andrew, sometimes her and Phil were at a comfort level that she didn’t think Andrew would appreciate. Especially all those undercover missions as a married couple.

“Hope you’re having a good weekend. Miss you. See on the next mission.”-Phil

Melinda kept smiling, she loved Phil’s handwriting so much. The way he signed his name. Her heart swelled. She made herself a cup of tea and began rummaging through more of the letters. This one was after Bahrain, when she was working in administration.

“Thinking of you a lot lately. Return my calls, sometime Mel! Enjoy your chocolate.”-Phil

She began to tear up a bit. She’d pushed Phil away after Bahrain. He still wrote her Valentine’s Day cards, sent her Christmas gifts, called her every week. Sometimes she would answer, just so he would stop for awhile. Listening to his voice was too painful sometimes. It reminded her of her failure in Bahrain. “Let the girl go, Melinda.” still had haunted her back then. Phil didn’t know she had to kill the girl in order to save everyone. Only Andrew knew. And that’s why she couldn’t stay. How could he have a daughter with someone who had killed a child? Melinda put that one back, and tried to find one in a different era of her life. She grabbed one and there were stickers on this one.

“So glad you are on the Bus with us. Jemma let me have some stickers. Your chocolate stash in your bunk is fully restocked. Thanks again for being the pilot. And my friend.”-Phil

Melinda smiled at this one, it reminded her of those early days with the team. She had been so concerned for Phil in those days, that she often missed out on all the bonding the kids and Phil had before it all went to hell with the Hydra betrayal. Phil always kept the tea and chocolate stash full up for Melinda, and she often found a new chocolate bar on her pilot seat when they were at a new location. He always thought of her. Even when they weren’t on the same page. She pulled out a few more to read them.

“Hope Arizona is warm! Hope your dad is okay. Missing you.”- Phil

“Loving my new plane, but wish you were here with me. Tell Mace I want you on the next mission. Miss you, friend”-Phil

“I’m still so sorry I drank the Haig. I hope you’ll forgive me. Couldn’t find any chocolate here in space. But here’s a lemon”-Phil

She’d avoided grabbing the last one in the box. The last one he ever wrote. He wrote it in Tahiti, because he knew he wouldn’t make it to another year. But she also needed to read it. For closure.

“Melinda. I love you. I can’t stop saying it now, and I won’t stop saying it until my last breath. Which unfortunately is coming soon. I wish we had gotten to spend many more Valentine’s Days together. I wish we had gotten to spend all the Valentine’s Days together in the past. I wish I had asked you out so many years ago. And then even later when we started working together again. I missed so many chances. I try not to think about any regrets, but my biggest regret will always be that we weren’t together, romantically. You’re my best friend, my companion, my partner, and for a short time, my lover. I hope you do find love again. You deserve it more than anyone. I miss you so much, even though I’m writing this as you sleep next to me. The days are growing shorter for me. So every time you’re asleep and I’m not, it’s less time to be with you. Even now as I write this, my hand is shaking. My breath, going ragged. My heart, slowing. Wake up Melinda, before I’m gone. I love you. I love you. I love you. -Phillip J. Coulson”

It was the next day after he wrote the letter that he died. She didn’t even read the letter until the next Valentine’s Day. And she hated reading it now, just two years later. But the care that he had for her, every year, without fail, to send her Valentine’s Day cards, meant so much to her. He’d thought of it until the very end.

She was crying, sobbing, really, her tea had grown cold. But then, a knock on the door. She wiped her eyes and got up, expecting to see someone at the door. Instead, on her welcome mat was a card and a bar of chocolate. She looked around to see if Coulson was around, but both Lola and her robot friend were nowhere in sight.

“Melinda, I remember writing these for you every year. Well, the other guy, I guess. He’s got great ideas. So I decided to continue this tradition. I know that you are still mourning him. I will give you time. I will wait. But know this, Melinda May, that I love you. No matter what version, I am, Phil Coulson, will always love you. And I won’t stop trying. I regret all the times we never got quite to saying we loved each other. You were more brave than me. You nearly said it so many times. I always just said it in my head. This version hasn’t gotten to hear you say it. Of course, the data in my head says you told me I love you. But it’s not there. Just data. But all the other memories, at the Academy together doing mock missions, all those undercover missions, that sparkly dress. It’s all there. I miss you. I want you with me today. But I know this day isn’t easy for you. So, here’s some chocolate, and feel free to call me. I’m all ears. I love you, Melinda May.” - Love, Phil.

She’d sat down quickly after reading it. It had been such a shock to read his last letter and then to read this new letter. He really was Phil Coulson. Down to remembering about the Valentine’s Day letters, the chocolates, knowing she’d want to be alone for now. She had no reason to believe anymore that the LMD ChroniCoulson wasn’t still the heart and soul of her love, Phillip J. Coulson.

Melinda called Phil. “Hey. Thanks for the chocolates. And the letter. I was actually reading all the old ones just now. I never told you that I kept them all.”

“You did? I never took you for being so sentimental. I just, want you to be happy, Melinda. I love writing those cards for you. I remember each one I wrote.”

“You wrote one more, in Tahiti. I had just finished reading it when I heard the doorbell. It said you hoped I’d find love again. You wrote it the day before you…he…died.”

“I’m so sorry Melinda. I’m still so sorry about everything. If I could do it over, I’d make sure to survive, so he could be with you.”

Melinda thought about this for a second. She knew the man Coulson was gone, but this new Coulson was here. And she couldn’t keep denying his humanity. Sure, he wasn’t flesh and bones, but he was everything else. Like Mack had said to Yo-Yo once, “Those aren’t the parts that mattered.” While everyone took it for a funny joke, what he meant was, her body doesn’t matter, but her mind, her heart, her soul. That’s what made Mack fall in love with her.

Melinda realized it was the same with Coulson. The same with second Fitz. It’s not the physical body that mattered, but it was the soul, his memories, they were all there. It is Coulson. She made a decision.

“But you are here with me now. I’m not getting him back. But I have you. You ARE Coulson. You are the love of my life. Let’s celebrate our first Valentine’s together.”

“Okay, see you soon.”

Melinda heard a knock on the door, and saw Phil standing outside with roses and wine. “How did you know I would say yes?”

Phil leaned in to give her a kiss, “Because no matter what, we are supposed to be together. Whatever version of ourselves or timeline or alternative universe, we are meant to be.”

She let Phil in and let him set the roses and wine down, then she wrapped herself in her arms. His skin warm, his chest muscular, his breathing strong. She was shocked how human he did feel. He was whole. And he was hers.


End file.
